One of the first things you notice as a parent is how much kids hate rules.
It doesn’t matter if the rule is trivial—“no snacks before dinner”—or existential—“don’t run into the road.” The reaction is usually the same: resistance.
At first, this seems like immaturity. Kids don’t yet understand consequences, so they fight rules. But the more I’ve watched my own kids push back, the more I’ve realized they’re not wrong. It’s not just kids. Adults hate rules too. We just hide it better.
Rules vs. Principles
The problem with rules is that they treat people like machines. “If X happens, do Y.” Rules don’t leave space for context, or judgment, or creativity. And humans are wired for those things.
Principles, on the other hand, scale better. They’re like higher-level code. Instead of saying, “Don’t touch the stove,” you say, “Hot things can burn you.” One day that applies to the stove. The next day it applies to a campfire. Eventually it applies to relationships and careers.
When my two-year-old screams because I won’t let him climb on the counter, he’s not just mad about the counter. He’s mad about the feeling of being boxed in. Rules are boxes. And no one likes to live in a box.
Teams Aren’t That Different
It turns out the same thing happens at work. If you manage people with rigid rules, they’ll fight you—or worse, they’ll comply mechanically and stop thinking.
The companies that move fast don’t have rulebooks for every situation. They have a few sharp principles: talk to users, ship fast, own outcomes. Principles give people freedom to improvise while still moving in the same direction.
If you’ve ever worked somewhere with too many rules, you know the feeling. No one runs into traffic, but no one builds anything interesting either.
The Illusion of Control
Parents love rules because they feel safe. Managers love them for the same reason. It’s easier to say “always do X” than to admit you’re relying on someone’s judgment. But that safety is an illusion. Rules may prevent mistakes, but they also prevent learning.
The best teams—and the happiest kids—are the ones trusted with principles instead of micromanaged with rules.
What Kids Teach Us
When a kid resists a rule, they’re not just being difficult. They’re reminding us of something we’ve trained ourselves to forget: rules are clumsy. Principles are better.
The irony is that as adults we spend years learning to tolerate rules. Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe the two-year-old throwing a tantrum about bedtime is onto something.